I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
