yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
