I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i wish my penis had a tongue
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
