Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
