i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize