I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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