Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Those nachos came to me in a dream
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
