u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
