I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
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He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
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I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize