you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
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My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
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Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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