Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
