R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
