Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
