Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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