i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
