I'm lost and stupid without you.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
