the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
my shit smells like andre
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
