Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
