What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
