apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
