3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
