Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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