I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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