I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize