Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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