so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
