I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
