His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
