so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
