Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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