I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
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