you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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