Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
zippers are such a cool invention
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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