i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
