You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
