1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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