what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
