I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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