bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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