Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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