I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
