In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
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But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
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Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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