please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
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I checked into jail on foursquare
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
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You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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