the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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