are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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