he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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