Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
