also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
