A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
bring money and cleavage
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
