Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
