Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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