I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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