The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Success! We fucked roommates!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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