so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Dear god my vagina.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
