what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
