I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My breasts were aching with rage.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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