my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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