This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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