I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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