he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
These tits shall not be calmed
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
