For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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