1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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