What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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