Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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