What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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