I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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